Dear friends,

Just before the end of the year, I want to thank you for the emails you have forwarded to me over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it is used to remove toilet stains. I no longer go overseas because someone will drug me in my hotel room and remove my kidneys, leaving me unconscious in a bathtub full of ice.

I have learned that my wishes only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make the wish within five minutes. I also learned that by just paying as little as 100 bucks, I can enlarge my pe*is to porn industry standards.

But I can't do that because I no longer have any savings - I gave it all to some sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 100th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior lawyer in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died recently.

By the way, a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that ugly people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read text on the web while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.